If you are a reader to my blog, then you probably know that I’ve taken a break from blogging over the past year. The reasons for this are varied. While it’s true that I needed to take some time to heal myself over the past few years of trauma, it is also true that the deep fear about expressing my views at a time in our history when such views are banned also played a part in my hiatus. Nevertheless, I’m grateful for my self-imposed timeout and the subsequent personal growth I’ve experienced as I’ve climbed out of despair and back into my heart.
In this blog post I’m going to write about some of my personal experiences of dealing with the pandemic as an unvaccinated person living in one of the more draconian areas of the United States: The Bay Area. I know that my personal experiences pale in comparison to some of the more heartbreaking stories surrounding the pandemic. Nevertheless, I believe our stories must be told, otherwise the weight of our burden may crush us.
When the pandemic started in 2020, there was a part of me that knew we were finally going to see corruption revealed as part of the divine plan. I had recently had an awakening in 2018, with a dark knight of the soul in 2019. My awakening was spiritual, but I’ve learned that even in a spiritual awakening, part of the process involves learning about the negative structures in our government that have been holding humanity back from evolving into our highest aspects. While I’m grateful that many people now see the corruption in many of our institutions, the toll of human suffering has been enormous.
Some of my personal suffering includes having relationships damaged, being rejected from work, not being allowed into restaurants, being told I couldn’t use a public restroom, and not being able to volunteer at my kids’ school because I didn’t want to take experimental gene therapy-like injections.
However, these acts of discrimination don’t hold a candle to the trauma that came up as I witnessed the power of tyrannical governments, their strangleholds on our institutions, and the lockstep compliance that so many fell victim to. It was overwhelming to witness so many people become deeply entrenched in hate toward the unvaccinated, that they felt those people deserved to be removed from societal activities, with some even believing they should be denied healthcare if they became sick. This was compounded by the fact that these behaviors persisted even after it became clear that the Covid shots failed to prevent transmission of the disease. It was truly as if I was living a dystopian nightmare, and many times I felt like pinching myself because I couldn’t believe it was really happening. I grew increasingly scared of our tyrannical government and truly wondered if concentration camps were in our future.
In November 2021, after learning that the CDC was going to be extending the vaccine program to children 5-11, I knew I had to speak out in some way. I had just personally witnessed the awakening of a loved one who I begged to pray for guidance before getting vaccinated. He agreed to do this, and he ended up getting an answer he was not expecting. He did not get vaccinated. After this success, I decided to place on Facebook a post asking those who are considering vaccinating their kids (or themselves) to please pray for guidance first. The hate and vitriol I received from one person in particular was astounding. I did have love and support from many on that day, but I’ll never forget the full-blown personal attacks this woman decided to throw my way. In the end I don’t regret this exchange. It felt awful, yes, but I’m proud that I had the guts to speak up when so many did not. In the end, I can proudly say that nobody will ever be able to point at me and ask, “Why didn’t you say something?”
In January 2022, I met with a woman in Oakland to discuss a possible caregiver job taking care of her elderly father. Toward the end of our conversation, the woman decided that I was a good a fit for the position. We were arranging a time for me to meet the gentleman I would be caring for, when suddenly the woman asked, “You are vaccinated, right?” When I told her my vaccination status, her tone completely changed. She told me she had to check with her sister before hiring me, and not surprisingly I never heard back from her. This was a full year after the vaccines had been rolled out, and it was clear that the shots did not stop a person from contracting or transmitting the virus. It was stunning to watch common sense go completely out of the window for some people. If this was such a great vaccine, then surely the man’s own vaccine should be all the protection he needs. In a normal world anyway.
During the spring of 2022, my daughter was enrolled in a play with her school. When I signed her up for this play, I felt hopeful that it could help bring in some much-needed joy and light in our world. I never imagined such an activity could literally bring me to my knees. When we were a few months away from showtime, we learned that the audience would need to be vaccinated to watch the performance. Our family had invested a lot in this play, time and money, and to think that we were not going to be able to watch our daughter perform was a punch in the gut. My husband and I drafted an email together asking for the possibility to have a testing exemption. We were told they would have to check with management and let us know. As the weeks passed without a response, I sent more emails asking for an update. All the while the rage inside of me had hit its boiling point. I remember cleaning my house one morning and feeling such uncontrollable rage that I dropped to my knees and prayed for God to please take this anger from me. I didn’t know such depths of fury could exist within my being. Eventually we did get a response, and luckily we were able to watch our daughter perform with a testing exemption.
As hard as this has all been, I know there are many others who have had much harder journeys over the last few years than our family has. Many have lost loved ones due to Covid, shady hospital protocols, and even the vaccines. My heart goes out to these people, and anyone injured by these vaccines or suffering from long Covid. Many others have lost jobs, reputations, been censored, and lost relationships. The suffering caused over the past few years has been incredible, and I imagine will only continue to add up as more truth comes to light.
Along the way, however, I have had some positive experiences emerge out of this catastrophe. I’ve had some personal relationships blossom with others who have been able to see the corruption and crimes against humanity for what they are. Some of these relationships were older relationships that were rekindled, and some are brand new. I imagine us as holding hands, eyes clenched shut, as we hurdle toward earth in a crashing plane. I’m sure the bonds we’ve created from going through this hell together will last our entire lifetimes, if not longer. I’ve also been able to maintain positive relationships with others who don’t share my same views. I consider this to be winning, as I know the corrupt agencies on this planet promote such division to maintain power.
There have also been days of rejoicing for victories in our country. These are days when I buy non-alcoholic champagne and toast these victories at our dinner table at night with my husband and kids. One of these victories was the decision by the Supreme Court, in January 2022, to not uphold the vaccine mandate for employers with over 100 employees. In another victory, we toasted the defeat of SB866. This was a bill in California that would have allowed children as young as 12 to decide to get vaccinated without consent or even knowledge of a parent. Our most recent toast was last week when we learned that California would not require the vaccine for children to attend school.
Over the years I watched scenes from protests around the world that were either censored or wrongfully accused by our media as being destructive by the protesters. I watched in awe as mass numbers of New Yorkers took to the streets and bridges to protest vaccine mandates, and I cried with Canadians as I watched them get trampled on by their police officers and have their bank accounts frozen during the trucker protest. I cheered with Australians who met in record numbers in Canberra to protest tyranny, and I watched in horror as I heard claims of radiation poisoning from their government.
I took to the streets myself for the first time in my life to join in protests around the Bay Area. I’ve never been a big political activist, but over the last few years I’ve written more letters and signed more petitions than I have in all my other years on this planet combined. I believe the right to choose what goes in our bodies is a hill to die on. If we lose that right, we can kiss our freedom and sovereignty goodbye.
My biggest victory over the past few years, however, is my ability to regain my daily joy of living. There was a period when I was in absolute shock and trauma over what I was seeing happening. Over this past year, I’m proud of my ability to pull myself together and find happiness again, even though not much has changed externally. I’ve done this through engaging in healing activities like practicing reiki, gardening, painting, and reading. Reading books, especially fiction, is a trick I learned from my maternal grandma as a tool to keep depression at bay. I’ve also learned some new meditations that I’m excited to share in future blog posts.
Last year my husband and I were touring a museum on Angel Island, a natural island off the San Francisco Bay. The museum displayed some of the darker moments in U.S. history with how our government handled and treated immigration from 1910-1940. Next to the exhibitions depicting the pain and suffering that occurred on the island, stood a display of face masks that had been found on the island by tourists over the last few years. Seeing the masks displayed in such an environment felt like a prelude to how we are going to view the pandemic in the future. I know this time is going to be looked back on as a major time of upheaval and pain, but ultimately enlightenment, as people became aware of the depth of the corruption within our government structures and finally took back their power.
Many astrologers are emphasizing the importance of Pluto entering Aquarius in March 2023. I’ve heard this alignment represents the power returning to the people. As hopeful as this is to hear, I don’t need an astrological alignment to know that the light is winning, and we are going to see better days ahead in our world. I believe that the revealing of the corruption is a direct result of the light coming into our planet, and that we are ascending into higher states of consciousness. It is this knowing that has allowed me to stay sane throughout all the madness.
I don’t know what the coming weeks, months, or years will look like. In order to fully heal, I believe that we will need to see accountability and justice for the crimes against humanity that just took place. For the sake of our children’s future, this is absolutely necessary. I do feel that eventually all truth will be revealed. And it is at that point, that healing for the rest of humanity can finally begin.
White Wolf Spirituality 
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