Shifting Patterns

The subject of patterns and cycles has been fascinating for me for some time now.  Through tuning in and journaling my life over the last few years, I’ve been blessed to see many cycles, desirable or undesirable, repeat themselves.  When I first made this discovery, I was elated in feeling like I had been given a great clue into how life works, and what I could do to change my patterns.  I felt as though by looking at my past, I could see how the trajectory of my future would go unless I made changes to the pattern. 

I feel our patterns are deep in our DNA and that many of the challenges we face each day are the same ones our ancestors encountered.  Recognizing this has brought me great awe and wonder as I imagine my ancestors living out their stories through me. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how different family feuds and ways of interacting with each other may have started generations ago.  How the way I react to each of my children at different stages of their lives, may be stored in a program waiting for me to execute, either in the original blueprint, or perhaps a new one. 

I like to imagine my ancestors rooting for me each time I successfully change an undesirable pattern.  While there have been many patterns that I have wanted to change, I’ve also been awed at the beauty many patterns hold, like the devotion we have to help our children succeed, or the instant love a grandparent feels toward their grandchild.

Over the past few years I’ve had decent success in changing many of my undesirable patterns.  I believe the most important part of changing a negative pattern is to first, recognize it, and second, make some sort of step in changing my behavior.  When I catch myself playing out a negative pattern, I’ve made it a habit to say the following out loud: “I see this.  I recognize this as a negative pattern in my life.  I choose to change it.”  I’ve said this phrase many times, and I can still feel the magic in the air each time I do. 

I’ve noticed some of my patterns take just moments to play out, or they could take days, weeks, months, or longer.  I’ll give an example of a pattern I had that spanned the course of a few weeks to help give you an idea of what those can look like.  I had a really fun (not really) pattern where I’d get hurt/sick and felt like I didn’t get enough compassion for it, then my husband would get an eerily similar injury/illness that I didn’t give enough compassion for.  When it dawned on me that this was really a pattern replaying itself, I felt empowered in being able to change it.

So how did I change that particular pattern?  First, I recognized that it’s not anyone else’s responsibility to give me compassion for an injury or illness. In fact, by giving that responsibility over to another person, I would sometimes not take the personal responsibly in giving myself the space for healing I needed.  I would almost take a martyr approach, and put myself in further jeopardy, all the while being angry at the other person.  But by taking full responsibility for my healing and wellness, I was able to morph the first part of that pattern.  As for the second part, I worked on becoming more compassionate when my husband would become sick/injured. 

One of the easiest ways that I have changed many of my patterns is by practicing the art of responding instead of reacting.  When a negative stimulus presents itself, if I choose to pause and react calmly, instead of instantly reacting in anger, I’ve found that the next time such an event occurs in the future, that it won’t feel as triggering as it once did.  If I automatically react in anger to something I don’t like, I can almost guarantee the universe will send me another opportunity to correct that mistake down the road.

An incredibly rewarding pattern change I’ve experienced came after I ended a very toxic addiction to alcohol.  Alcohol was my main source of coping with my life’s problems for many years.  Life may have been a total chore to get through, but at least I had my glass of wine (or 4) to come home to each day.  Through journaling about this problem, I felt guidance come in and help me to finally get free from alcohol’s clutches.  (see my blog post titled, Journaling) Since then, my life has expanded in ways beyond belief. 

I believe that by cutting my coping mechanism to alcohol, that I was able to cut the ties to the negative experiences that caused me to crave the relief in the first place.  During my early sobriety, I imagined myself to be riding along a piece of thread on a spool.  Most of the time I would just circle around and around creating the same pattern.  But by quitting drinking, I managed to cut the thread, and thus cut the cycle to the many patterns that would have been waiting for my on the other side.  Instead of wrapping around and reexperiencing the same cycles, I went flying off into the abyss, allowing me to awaken aspects of myself I never knew existed.

Sometimes it can be tricky to figure out the part of the pattern that needs to be corrected.  In 2020 I ran into a dilemma that made me question my entire belief on patterns.  I was working at a job that I felt guided to leave for many reasons, including the fact that I couldn’t take care of my own kids properly while staying on.  The idea that I was coming across a pattern of quitting when the going got rough came to mind.  Should I push on and change the pattern from defeat to victory?  Am I going to have to repeat this awful experience if I do quit?

Ultimately, I decided to quit.  As I took a step back from this experience, I could see that the job wasn’t for me.  I would have made myself and my entire family miserable if I had stayed.  If there was a pattern involved in this situation that needed changing, perhaps it was me feeling guilt over the situation.  It’s important to use discretion when deciding what needs to change.  I believe we need to listen to our guidance.  If the universe is stacking up information that says, “It’s time to leave,” please follow that guidance.  Changing negative patterns should feel positive, not dreadful.

Given the opportunity to successfully change our negative patterns feels like an amazing opportunity.  In my life today I’m able to tackle these negative patterns with more ease and grace.  I feel as though something benevolent has taken over, giving me greater strength and ability to cope with my negative patterns and mold them into something that feels better.  I don’t live in fear of negative patterns repeating, because I have the power through observation and action to change them.  I’m also enjoying my positive patterns more and more.  For me, watching a familiar positive pattern unfold has become more joyful and sometimes even comical.  I’m amazed at how the universe arranges itself to bring in situations that I would have never imagined.

I’ve wondered recently if our patterns will ever end.  Will we one day ascend to new heights where we no longer experience the same patterns in our life?  Possibly.  I don’t really know.  But for now, I’m enjoying the experiences of my patterns and the real opportunity to make positive changes.  And who knows, the changes I make today, just may change the DNA for generations to come.  Perhaps our ancestors really are cheering for us!